VICTORIA

     She's Victoria. I'm Victor. And she's my companion. I had abandoned her for hours, prioritizing the series of football matches on show above spending time with her. From the early kickoff of the English Football Premier League to the typical late kickoff of the Spanish Soccer League games, I spent more than half of the day in the viewing centre.

Remember how we sometimes, deliberately leave our phones back at home whenever we don't want to be disturbed? Whenever we feel we'd have a swell time out and we wouldn't want our joy to be short-lived by distress calls most especially from parents, spouses, friends? Exactly. I basically can't do without my phone but this time, I had to leave it behind.

The matches were finally over. And it was late already and very dark too coupled with the fact that there was no electricity. On getting home and unlocking the front door, I was greeted with total blackout. I couldn't even remember where I had kept my cell phone as I had hurriedly left. I threaded laboriously, with each step taken in consciousness to avoid stumbling upon anything. My eyes began to pierce through the darkness, searching for Victoria. Oh, it's late already and she must have fallen asleep for sake of excessive loneliness. I thought.

I meandered my way to the bedroom and there she was, laying on the bed. I could see her figure in the dark. She must hate me for leaving her alone for so long a time. I slowly got rid of the blanket that had covered a large part of her.

My hand began to move, my fingers playing the role of legs as it began walking up to Victoria. My hand was now on her, caressing smoothly. He caressing speed began increasing just as the bulge in my pants did(or maybe was it because I had to urinate being seated for so long in the viewing centre?).

With a quick lift, I yanked her off the bed and placed her on my lap as the smooching spree continued as I proceeded to spreading her open(you should know what I mean by spreading. Evil children!)

She had been relatively quiet throughout the ordeal but as my hands spread her open, she gave out a faint sound. Whether that sound was a sound of approval or disapproval meant little to me as I carried on. I adjusted, ready to make the most of this 'spreading'.

My fingers began to move into a deeper position this time, as if in search of something, in search of the right move, the right button. And then I found it. As soon as I felt it, and touched down on it,  she came alive. She came alive as she made this sound. Then I knew I had turned her on. Her aliveness illuminated the room as the words "HP Invent" shone brightly from the screen. Luckily for me, her battery was fully charged. Yeah, my laptop is Victoria and Victoria is my bae.

P.S. Just look at you. What/who where you thinking Victoria was? Corrupt minds, y'all. Buhari is looking for you. You're just lucky he's been spending his time travelling round the world if not, you should have been arrested by now. And the best part is that because of you, Jesus came to die. Hehehe. Happy Easter jare. Wishing you a blissful holiday ahead.

This article was writen by~Victor Edwin